Overcoming Negative Thinking
Chances are, if you’re human, you’ve had a negative thought or two (or an avalanche of negative thoughts). And chances are, at some point in time, you’ve tried to get rid of that thought. Tried to push it away, bury it, distract yourself from it. But no matter what you do, that thought comes back, and usually stronger than ever. That’s because much of what you may have thought you know about negative thinking isn’t true. The result, a negative impact on your performance.
What we thought we knew.
Most of what we know about how we think (aka our internal dialogue) is taken from cognitive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy, a form of psychotherapy that suggests that how we think affects how we feel and behave. Traditionally, we taught patients that in order to feel happy, we had to think positive. But over time, psychologists have begun to realize that it’s impossible to think positive 100% of the time. Negative thoughts come no matter what we do. And what’s worse, the harder we push to change those thoughts, the harder our brain pushes back.
For example, have you ever had a thought similar to “I’m not good enough”? If you answered “no” then you may not be a human after all! But since you’re human, I’ll assume you’ve had a similar thought. When you tried to push back and challenge that thought (aka put a positive spin on it), what did your brain do? Did it crumble under your positive pressure? Or did it push back and give you 10 more reasons why you’re not good enough? My guess is that your brain pushed back, and pushed back hard!
What we now know.
Since pushing back against our negative thoughts actually has the opposite effect, as in it makes us feel worse not better, how do we manage our negative internal dialogue? First, we have to recognize and accept that negative thinking is normal, natural, and isn’t going anywhere. Our brains evolved to keep us safe. Whether you believe in evolution or not, our ancestors had to worry about staying alive, straying from the group, and getting eaten by a tiger. So our brains developed to seek out negative events to protect us. We can’t just turn it off in 2018!
What we can do.
Once we’ve recognized that negative thinking isn’t going anywhere, the next step is to develop awareness of what our brain is doing automatically. We have tens of thousands of thoughts a day. Some positive, some negative, and probably way more negative thoughts than positive. The key to feeling better (and performing better) is not to challenge the negative thoughts, but rather to become aware of them, unhook ourselves from them, and let them go. If you’re waiting for your brain to think 100% positively before you can feel better, you’ve got a LONG wait ahead of you. I’ve listed a few strategies below that can help you to unhook yourself from negative thoughts. These are taken from Russ Harris’ book, The Confidence Gap, which is great resource if you’d like to get started on feeling more confident and reducing the influence of your negative thoughts. The key to all of these is PRACTICE. No one ever got good at something by waiting for it to happen.
1) Leaves on a River: We first have to increase our awareness of what’s going on inside our mind and recognize that our thoughts are naturally all over the place and we can let them go. To do this, set aside 2 minutes in a quiet place. Close your eyes and picture a flowing river. It can help to picture a river you’ve been to before so the image is as real as possible. Once you have your image, visualize leaves floating with the current. Place whatever thought you are having at the time on a leaf and let it flow by. You’ll begin to notice that you’re having many thoughts all at once. Slow down and place each one on a leaf. At this point, some of your thoughts may include: “this is stupid,” “why am I doing this,” “I wonder if the water is cold,” and so on. Whatever comes to your mind, place it on a leaf and let it flow by, release it from your mind. The goal of this exercise is to begin to train your mind to unhook yourself from your thoughts and realize that even if they are negative, you can let them flow in one ear and out the other.
2) Mindfulness: Next, we want to train our brain to remain present. Even if you think of mindfulness as something only Buddhist monks practice, trust me, you can do it too. To practice mindfulness and being present, pick 1 activity you do every day (brushing your teeth, showering, etc.) and be fully present during it. Use all 5 of your senses and pay close attention to what each is telling you. If you chose brushing your teeth, how does your tongue feel, can you visualize the bristles rubbing against your gums, what does the toothpaste smell like? You’ll notice thoughts popping up that want to disrupt this practice. You may be thinking of your to-do list for the day, or what you should have done yesterday. This is totally normal (you’re not doing is wrong)! Place them on a leaf and let them flow by as your return your attention to the activity at hand.
3) Naming the Negative: Finally, we want to reduce the power of our negative thoughts so that, even when they pile up, we can release them down the river. One way to do this is to find the themes in our negative thoughts and name each theme. For example, a client of mine found himself full of self-doubting thoughts. So we named a character after them: Debbie Doubtful. Now, each time he doubts himself, he says, “Thanks Debbie Doubtful!” This not only allows him to chuckle a bit, but it also removes the power of the thoughts and allows him to release them down the river. So what characters does your brain have? A few my clients have named are, Pessimistic Pat, Hateful Harry, and my favorite, Perfectionism Pam. We all have these characters in our minds, the key is to not only recognize they are there but also realize that they are just thoughts, no more, no less.
So let’s review. Negative thoughts are normal and the more we push against them, the more they push back. While at times they may seem insurmountable, with just a little practice each day, we can release the power of the thoughts, unhook ourselves, and feel better as a result. Now, you may be thinking, but I can’t do it, it’s hard and time consuming! To that I say, thanks Pessimistic Pat!
-Dr. Doug
If you’d like more information on this article or how to apply the techniques described, please contact Dr. Doug at drdoug@polsterperformance.com.